I’ve been meaning to write for a while now, but as of late I haven’t been feeling the best. There was a point where I was feeling really good, had a lot of energy and was doing a lot, but right now I’m very tired, run down and not feeling very well. Most nights I’ve been up sick, throwing up until about 3am, and this week I’ve been in bed every day trying to recuperate because I’m so exhausted. I think I’ve just been doing too much; my issue was I didn’t want to be bored, stuck at home and unoccupied. I went from working 3-4 days a week and at Uni 4 days a week, as well as gym, Physie and socialising thrown in there, to next to nothing. I’ve realised for my own sake I need to begin to rest more than I’ve allowed myself to. I’ve lost more weight; Initially I was 59kg, then I lost 8kg and was 51kg. When I started to feel better I put on 1kg and was 52kg, but since I’ve been vomiting all the time I’ve lost 3kg more making me 49kg. I’ve not been in the 40kg’s since I was 15 years old. For this reason, I’ve had to add organic chicken into my diet once or twice a week. Unfortunately being so ill I need to have something more solid that will stay in my stomach, 2 months of 100% vegan and organic is taking a toll on my body and my weight. I’ve never been so skinny and I don’t love it. 😦
I have to mention, It’s hard for me to talk about myself today as yesterday the world lost a beautiful woman in a tragic accident and I lost my friend, Danielle. Dan was 6 years older than me at Physie and always in the ‘big girl class.’ When I first went up to be in the senior team I was 12 and totally intimidated. They were all so tall and blonde and loud. I felt I almost hid in the corner the first few weeks trying to go unnoticed, blending in and copying from afar. Dan was always cracking jokes, making a scene or doing something totally inappropriate and equally as hilarious. Always the class clown, Dan never allowed anyone to feel left out, remain quiet or go one class without laughing until they wet themselves. She truly was a shining light in a world of darkness. It’s evident by social media how many people loved Danielle and how many people she touched. People from school, Physie, sporting teams and mutual friends are all showering her with love, just showing how much Danielle truly loved and embraced every aspect of life and made her mark. I’m absolutely heart broken and devastated that she is gone, I cannot imagine the pain her family are attempting to cope with. Danielle we are all full of grief and no amount of time will allow me to forget your smile. I love you, and I pray you’re sleeping peacefully.
This morning the hospital called to confirm my PET scan for the 28th of November – in 19 days! The last PET scan I had was in August where I had lit up on the right side of my neck and on the left, meaning there was active cancer on both sides. I’m feeling more and more anxious about these results, I’m really praying for a miracle to have reduced cancer or a clear scan. At least we will know some answers and have an idea of what is going on in there.
I’m just really struggling to cope at the moment.